The State Ate My Speech
Episode 3: The Trials of Lindsey Graham, Water Carrier (*)
Lindsey Graham goes to court.
We pause ‘our play’ to remind our audience to turn off their phone devices and their critical faculties.
Thank you. Now, sit back and enjoy the show.
Previously, on Masterheist Theatre:
Sen. Graham has landed once again court. Poor man: a pesky Fulton County, Georgia DA has entertained the idea that he violated Georgia election law by pressuring the Secretary of State to overturn the results of the 2020 Presidential election.
(Camera pans to Lindsay Graham)
I won’t be tried in a county court… I want a hearing in a federal court!”
‘I am not a criminal; I am a U.S. Senator!!’
Camera shifts to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’ chambers, ‘stage whisper’:
In this episode, we discover that Justice ‘Just-Try-and-Get-Me-To-Recuse-Myself’ Clarence Thomas has issued an “administrative stay,” so that the Supreme Court can prepare to hear Graham’s pleas.
In his chambers, we overhear Justice Thomas mumbling to himself,
Well, I can issue a stay because it is my duty as a Supreme Court Justice to support subpoena denial.
I can support election law violation because my good friend Lindsey was just trying to get some information about how Georgians count their votes.
Though Lindsey wasn’t running for re-election, he needs to cover his bases, and this includes law and election tampering in order to keep things… you know… up in the air. It’s what politicians do.
Don’t they, now.
Lindsey is doin’ his job, because as he puts it, ‘if I start messin’ things up, the phones will stop ringin.’
Heh. with a wife like Ginni, doin’ her thing, whatever which state, we’re talking’ about, I need to respect our vows. We are a married couple, you know, and we share things.
(Turning to camera) Anywho,’ it’s none of your business.
(Pause)
Now, in which drawer did I leave the “administrative stay,’ stamp thing-y?
Will Judge Thomas convince his colleagues that the state ate Lindsey Graham’s speech and deny him the solace that all is well in his neighboring state of Georgia?
Will Lindsey plead the Fifth because he faces criminal charges?
Will ‘small C’ chief Justice Roberts step in and intercede on behalf of Georgia voters?
Don’t miss the next episode of Masterheist Theatre.
October 25
*Water carrier: one who keeps the narrative of autocracy in play, keeps the narrative fluid; one who repeats and redeploys the rhetoric of the authoritarian.
