Ciao Christina, Ciao Lindsey
Our hero, the Senator from South Carolina, Lindsey Graham does ‘happy hour’ with Christina Bobb, Donald Trump’s former lawyer of record and Mar-A-Lago documentarian.
Announcer: Good evening and welcome to Masterheist Theater’s political drama, The Trials of Lindsey Graham, Water Carrier (*).
Episode 5: Ciao Christina, Ciao, Lindsey
(Continuing in hushed tones as camera pans the streets of Charleston, South Carolina): As we have seen, a lot has transpired since Episode 4, when we learned of Lindsey’s confusion on the way to the Fulton County Court House to answer a subpoena to investigate alleged election tampering.
Tonight, we shift to “The Horse’s Ass,” a popular Charleston watering hole for the polo aficionado. Seated at the bar are two patrons, Christina Bobb, disguised with a blond wig, and Sen. Graham with a Falcons cap pulled down to conceal his face. Both are sitting next to each other, thumbing at cell phones, awkwardly trying to look like they are a chance encounter. Not convincing.
Bartender: What’ll it be?
CB: Perrier, lime
LG: Bourbon, Rocks. Make it a double.
LG: (Peevishly, turning to Bobb) Are we supposed to even be talking?
CB: Heh, you called this meeting. What do you want to talk about?
LG: What do I want to talk about? Are you asking me? I should be asking you. Did you see your January Sixth Committee transcript? You implicated me!
CB: I was under oath.
LG: What… to answer questions for the benefit of a witch hunt? You refused to follow our script about…
CB: (Exasperated) The fraud. (Pause) I know. But yeah (pause), well… there was no fraud.
LG: What?
CB: Don’t get me started. There were irregularities; there were dead people on the voter rolls. But that doesn’t add up to election fraud.
LG: (Cynically) Riiight… Here’s what I think…
CB: (Interrupting) You blew it. You had the memo. You asked me for it, I emailed it to you and then you walked away. Why?
LG: Come on. Ya’ kidding’ me? (Pause) I am going to open a Senate Committee investigation into which states defrauded the American people with a spread sheet with five names of dead people on it? From where? Georgia? From a local operative? (Pause) I have a career here. (Pause) I’d love to help.
CB: (cynically) And I serve at the pleasure…
LG (interrupting): This is not West Wing. Can it.
CB: Think again. It’s not a big deal. The liberal press will try to sensationalize whatever number we come up with… 5, 10 or one thousand dead people. (Pause) You blew it. You walked away. Rudy is furious with you.
LG: I could do it. I didn’t have the evidence.
CB: Evidence of what? (Pause) What planet are you living on?
LG: A planet with equal number of party members on the Senate Judiciary Committee… and a political career.
CB: Wow. (Pause for emphasis) Mr. Politician Big Shot. So go to the states. Eastman says it’s ok. It’s in the Constitution.
LG: Well… not really.
CB: Say what? You know it’s there.
LG: Never been tried. Anyway, Eastman already lost in Court. And I lost Clarence. I’ve had to answer that Georgia tribunal-slash-kangaroo-court. You wait. You’re next before the DOJ. (Pause) And there’s Pence.
CB: I knew you had baggage. Steve told me.
LG: That wacko’? He needs a shower.
CB: Well, he’s a better conservative than you!
Announcer (as camera follows CB): With her last remark Christina Bobb, gets up, tosses her hair and stomps out, leaving a half-finished Perrier and lime.
LG (to the bartender) This didn’t happen ok?
Bartender: Roger that.
(Announcer): Follow us next week with Episode 6, where we learn of Lindsey’s fortunes before the Fulton County Grand Jury… that is, if more January 6 Committee transcripts don’t get in his way.
*Water carrier: one who keeps the narrative of autocracy in play, keeps the narrative fluid; one who repeats and redeploys the rhetoric of the authoritarian.
January 2
